I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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