I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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