i just wanna soil my oats bro
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
