Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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