and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
