Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
