my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
