Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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