GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
