whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
