Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
