okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
