Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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