A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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