I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
