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i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
