Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
