Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You ate ashes out of my bong
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize