it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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