So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
