The maid of honor just puked.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
