im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
