From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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