SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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