tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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