Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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