I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
