dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
grandma shit on top of the toilet
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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