thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
