forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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