omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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