i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
