people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
