Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
