She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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