Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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