would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
