i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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