so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
