Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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