I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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