thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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