no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
