The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
