If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
