Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize