I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
