i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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