mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
