The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
