just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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