i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize