why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
