you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
