this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
