Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
PANTIES FOUND
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