you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
