there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
