"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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