I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
