You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
