I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
