I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I think people are normalizing furries
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
