So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
