She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
