i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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