Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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