dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize