I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize