Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
