At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
