Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
